'Cause I Gotta Have Faith

Being the youngest of 4 has it's benefits and it's downfalls. It allowed me numerous opportunities to learn from my older siblings...and for better or worse, introduced me to things I otherwise might have been clueless about. Things such as bad 1980's fashion and music. I adored my older sisters and thought what they did was as good as gold. This resulted in me having my Barbie and The Rocker's dolls sing and dance to music via Y 95...THE radio station of choice in the DFW area. This brings me to my point: George Michael's song Faith. What?!? I know...strange point.

Today I have been telling myself, "I gotta have faith"....and who can think that phrase and not think of that song, right?

I gotta have faith...I gotta have faith.

What is faith?

Hebrews 11:1~ Now FAITH is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see.

I have been wrestling with my ability to do this today. Do I trust God. Do I really have faith in Him...to be who He says He is? Do I have faith and trust in His character. In His ability to be both just AND merciful? Do I trust Him? Is He faithful? I am talking beyond the nice, religious, pat answer of His general faithfulness. I am talking about trusting Him to be faithful to ME. To my family. To trust Him with my life.

Our family is on a journey to raise support through a team of people who will partner with us during our time in Haiti. This process is...um...well, it depends on the day you ask me! Some days I am FULL of faith that God is moving on our behalf and orchestrating His plan to bring our team together and get us fully funded by August (the date I am BELIEVING for!). But other days, if I am honest, I struggle to have faith. Because I am believing for something that I DO NOT see. Sometimes it is difficult to be "certain of what we do not see". It is difficult to have faith.

I have seen the absolutly delightful character of God. His love for me and my family. I have seen His provision and I have seen Him do amazing things that were completely out of my control and unexplainable. But at the same time, I feel like the world around me is screaming to trust MYSELF and MY abilities...To trust my logic and what I can see, hear, taste, smell and touch. Surely, I can trust those things, right?

Oh, but faith. I gotta have faith...I gotta have faith. And I know that faith is not always seeing. Faith is being SURE of what we HOPE for and being CERTAIN of what we DO NOT see.

Today I have been in a fight. A fight with myself and the choice that lays before me. Faith or Fear? Trust or Disbelief?

I do not see how we will be 100% funded to leave for Haiti by August. But I can hope for it, right? And I can be certain of it, right? Even if my human eyes don't see or understand.

I choose to believe. I choose to trust. 'Cause I gotta have faith. Jesus tells us that with a minute amount of faith we can move mountians. Lord, help my unbelief...because there is a mountain to move!

Haiti. August 2012. Gonna Be there.